The Shark's Suit
by InsaneScriptist
Summary: It began when Fran watched the Superbowl Commercials, it ended with a bloody fashion statement. One-shot, now with omake chapter.
1. Party Props

The Shark's Suit by InsaneScriptist

Summary: It began when Fran watched the Superbowl Commercials, it ended with a bloody fashion statement.

* * *

"What are you watching?" Bel asks the Varia's newest illusionist. Mammon had been stolen by the rest of the ex-Acrobaleno for some reason that Bel did't care about. It left Bel bored and a bored Bel was a bad thing. He hadn't gotten to the point that he'd leave Varia Headquarters to kill hitmen that were nosing around Vongola territory yet, but he was visiting those worth visiting because he didn't have a mission.

"Superbowl Commercials." Fran replied in that annoying monotone of his.

"Superbowl Commercials?" Bel echoed, as he tried to place where he had heard about an event that would be televised, and well known enough to be a proper noun of its own. Unfortunately Bel wasn't one to watch television or seek entertainment outside books and blood. "What's that?"

"Some genius you are fake-prince. The Superbowl is the pinnacle of American Football. It's not all that interesting compared to the commercials."

"Bleh, American Football." Bel said with all the princely disgust he could muster. "What sort of monstrosity are those uncouth Americans unleashing now? You're watching those Superbowl Commercials for ideas about illusions aren't you?"

"Idiot-prince, I'm watching to critique the commercials."

A few knives to the illusionist's hat later, both Bel and Fran were huddled on the couch, the tablet computer balanced on their laps. A few commercials with heart-warming appeals were deemed to be boring and pointless. Those ads based solely upon sex appeal failed to appeal to either of them.

A few more commercials and youtube tossed up the option of the halftime show. Bel seeing the shark dressed man pressed that option.

Then both he and Fran were awed by the halftime show.

"Froggy, we have to get Squa-senpai into a shark suit."

Fran nodded. "Left shark is cool."

"Where are we going to get a shark suit?"

"Let's ask the drag queen wannabe. He might have an idea of how to get the noisy captain into a shark suit."

* * *

Lussuria did not know exactly how to get the noisy shark captain into a shark suit but he offered to make one.

He proved less useful in terms of getting Squa-senpai into the shark suit though.

"About the only think I could suggest is getting it to him for his birthday, but the Varia doesn't really celebrate things like that."

"We could make him..." Bel started.

"Are we inviting the klutzy S-type friend of his too?"

"Bucking Horse? We could do that."

"And what about the cheerful baseball nut? If we invite the shark's student, the fluffy tenth will come too."

"Oh, is that so froggy? I'm counting on it."

* * *

March thirteenth dawns as a nice, inauspicious day.

Things in the Varia are normal as ever; Boss is scary, Squa-senpai's noisy, Levi's an idiot, Lussuria's just perverted and Mammon is cheeky although Mammon's cheeks are less puffy as the curse is broken. Froggy remains disbelieving of his royal self and gets punished for it.

As a birthday party, it's very low key right up until gifts are given.

Reborn, as the fluffy boss' ever present shadow ring leads the show; it's also his gift along with actually turning up.

Dino gives Squa-senpai a few new suits; Bel laughs at Fran's implicating comments about Bucking Horse being a caring dominant for his M-type. A couple occasions of attempted murder later, Squa-senpai is presented with tuna from his student. Fran narrates a soap opera with illusions that have all the guests in fits; fits of laughter or of rage as Squa-senpai's love life is discussed in detail and is decided to be a love-square as the shark cannot decide between his boss, his longtime friend and his student as they all share a _special_ bond between them.

Lussuria was the one to bake a spectacular cake that was quickly devoured, and gifts Squa-senpai hair products. Levi gets Squa-senpai a card, because the captain isn't Boss. Mammon's gift was a coupon of 'a relaxing daydream illusion.' Their Boss remains as practical and violent as ever as he tosses sword maintenance equipment at his second; Squa-senpai had been needing a new whet stone but if Squa-senpai wasn't bleeding and losing blood pressure, Bel was certain that a vein on his face would be throbbing.

Bel has gotten Squa-senpai gloves as a personal gift, while Fran had given Squa-senpai 'the gift of laughter' but Bel then joins in presenting the long haired swordsman his and Fran's combined gift.

"Is this another suit?" He demands, suspicious.

"It's a special suit." Bel replies laughing.

Squa-senpai's face is hilarious and he shuts the present box shut before he starts shouting at them. Thankfully, both he and Fran were prepared and have ear-plugs. Somewhere during all the shouting and threats of violence, Boss ends up with the present box in hand and shows off the shark suit.

"Trash, wear it." He commands.

"Hell no, shitty Boss!"

Bucking Horse and Squa-senpai's student attempt to protest but the klutz trips and manages to fling cake all over Boss.

It devolves into war-like chaos from there.

* * *

Hiding under the gift table -the only true safe zone at the party- with Fran was expected.

It was why Bel had stuck one of Verde's illusion boosting gloves under it.

Time for part two of their gift.

The cries of dismay and fury are wonderful as all the attendees are dressed in various costumes.

Bel hopes that Mammon gets good pictures.

* * *

This is something spawned by my little brother's facebook 'I want a shark suit' comment in regards to the Superbowl. Then I thought 'Squalo!'

So, this happened. I'm proud to have kept all of them in-character though. Will work and post other things as time, life and beta allows.


	2. Omake: After-party negotitations

The Shark's Suit by InsaneScriptist

Summary: Mammon really does take the _best _pictures. He's also willing to part with copies for a price.

* * *

The aftermath of Squalo's small birthday party was a bloody mess.

Actually there was less blood spilled than could be otherwise expected but that didn't mean that the disaster it was, wasn't noticeable. Property damage, slowly dissipating smoke trails and Lussuria's wails as the cake's remains were used as ammo during the brawl. At least the gifts survived, undamaged.

There are times when the Varia is too good at destroying things, although a lot of the damage was the fault of someone spilling drinks on Dino's turtle.

Despite all the chaos, Mammon had managed to capture a large number of praise worthy photographs.

Timoteo smiles as he looks through it all.

Reborn looks remarkably like his chameleon in that costume, which is fine because Leon looks like Reborn.

Dino appears to have become a cow-boy, but some things about that particular costume don't exactly make sense, like the horse mask he's trying to get off his head, with the help of his donkey assistant, Romario. Timoteo decides not to think about what the lack of realism in the Cavallone's Don's costume implies because except for the horse mask the rest of it looks as if it came from a business specializing in erotic costumes.

His chosen heir for the Vongola is in a fluffy sheep costume, looking horrified and panicky. His Storm is in a pajama costume complete with boots that make him appear doggish and a little wild. Some sort of mixed-breed? Young Tsunayoshi's Rain looks to be a splendid goldfish and clearly enjoying the melee with the person in the full body shark suit that can only be the Varia's Captain, Squalo Superbi. The sword from the inside of the fin is a clear evidence.

The Vongola's Ninth Boss is hard pressed not to chuckle over how very much the costume suits the elder swordsman.

The rest of the Varia's costumes also suit them. The Lightning is now an octopus, The Sun is now a swan and the Varia's Storm has pink and purple stripes, with a tail and ears straight out of Wonderland. Mammon even manages a few pictures with himself in it; a starfish wasn't what he was expecting, but it suits the ex-Acrobaleno. The younger illusionist is a sea urchin, which suits his prickly personality for all that it appears that his latest fruit hat has been impaled upon his spines.

It is however the pictures of his son that really test his ability to hold his face steady.

The costume that materialized on his wild child was a full body costume, for all that his face was shown under the hood. It honestly looks as if someone has managed to dress Xanxus in white tiger striped footy pajamas. There was even a tail and paw gloves. The glower when he realizes this is most impressive.

There are several photos dedicated to his son's surprise at his sudden costume change. There are several more as his flames burn the costume away, but judging by the stack the costume had been renewed during the brief brawl no less than five times.

"Yes, these are more than acceptable Mammon." He announces.

He orders for the ex-Acrobaleno to be paid, and the illusionist leaves.

Reborn appears from the shadows and tips his hat at him. "You're a formidable old man."

"It's not that Reborn. It's just as a father, I have the right to embarrass my son as I please."

"It's still practically blackmailing the Varia." The hitman points out.

"And have you ever wondered why in that future that won't happen, that the Varia still proclaim allegiance to myself?"

"And canny too."

"I'm thinking I need to place this one on my desk. Get it enlarged a bit."

"And daring." Reborn states after snorting over the photo.

"I prefer to think of it as an unusual method of bonding with my remaining son."

"Through blackmail and psychological warfare?"

"Have you met my son? He won't respect anything less."

"Put that one on your wall." Reborn advised, pointing towards a specific photo. "It's suitably dramatic."

"The glare is most impressive." Timoteo agreed.

* * *

In which, I'm nice to the 9th for once and instead of trying to be paternalistic and soothing he meets Xanxus on his own terms, in ways that Xanxus can respect.


End file.
